The onion dating profile

Looking for good online dating profiles to copy? I gotchu, boo, with all the online dating profile inspiration and examples you need. Feel free to mix, match, and edit these dating profile examples as needed to suit your situation. An essential rule of thumb when creating your dating profile is to think of yourself as a product.

Online dating profiles that work

After five years swimming through all manner of grody in the swampy detritus that is OKCupid, Alli Reed decided to test her theory that "a lot of men on that site would message literally any woman who had a profile. Maybe there was a woman so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikeable that no one would message her, or if they did, at least they would realize they never, ever wanted to meet her. So I made the OkCupid profile of the Worst Woman on Earth, hoping to prove that there exists an online dating profile so loathsome that no man would message it.

Reed, writing over at Cracked , said she created a garbage human that no sane person should want to hang out with. In her own words, she made the faux dater "mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant, and I threw in a little gold digging just for funzies. To do that, she created AaronCarterFan, a year-old woman white, 5'4 in Los Angeles whose self-summary exclaims: From there, Reed made good on her goal to create, if not the Worst Woman on Earth, the ultimate wildebeest.

AaronCarterFan proceeds to gleefully reveal her favorite pastimes: Oh, and she's not just a bad speller, she's also a racist and cruel. She only likes music from countries like the USA that have bathrooms. In her spare time, she tries to "keep America American" and enjoys knocking cups out of homeless people's hands because "its soooooo funny to try to watch them pick it all up lolllllllll.

The profile is a hilarious exercise in summoning all the shallow, petty, illiterate, anti-intellectual bigotry and generally incurious hatefulness you could squeeze into an online calling card, and it skillfully plays on female gold-digging stereotypes too. AaronCarterFan is a perfect candidate for a terrible reality show, and reminds me of all of the worst people I went to high school with, writ large. For pics, she used her friend's images with permission, and sat back to watch the magic not happen.

Only, as you can guess, rather than the chirping crickets of societal excommunication, AaronCarterFan was greeted with a slew of eager messages and requests to meet that night — in 24 hours — stampeding hot 'n' heavy toward the hot 'n' horrible monster Reed had created. So she shifted her goal. Now that she had them, she'd try, at least, to dissuade them.

Reed decided to message the men back and try to get the men to lose interest by being as pathologically awful in her messages as she'd promised in the profile. In a story as old as time, nothing deterred these would-be boners in pursuit of a hot piece of terrible tail. It is an amusing read, but if there's anything we can learn from this experiment, it is the following:.

By making AaronCarterFan "hot" — using a model's pictures — Reed guaranteed that shallow men would ignore the content of the profile and simply try to get with a good-looking woman. Nothing new there. The user profile's "I'm looking for" section includes "casual sex. We've all done it. Also nothing new. Some people might find it so over the top as to be a joke, and be drawn to the person who created it or simply curious if it's really real.

There will always be mouth breathers who have no interest in intellectual pursuits, liberal thinking, tolerance, being decent. They just want a hot girlfriend. And why is she "hot," anyway? Going on this logic, wouldn't the ultimate test be whether an "unattractive" woman with a "terrible" personality could get so much as one single message? But if we must create the ultimate lure to test these fun but pointless theories, if we're really trying to see what people are willing to overlook for a hot bod, shouldn't we go all the way here?

Like, say, pairing the picture of an extraordinarily hot woman with the profile personality of a scatophile. Really wanting to fuck someone who insists on involving excrement in the act is much, much harder to reconcile than an attractive year-old who loves Aaron Carter and has the personality of a jackal. Just sayin'. Or, if all else fails, you could just try being brutally honest. The A. Filed to: Share This Story. Club News. Share Tweet. Kinja is in read-only mode.

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PALO ALTO, CA—Utilizing personal contact information to create a uniquely demeaning interactive experience, a new app unveiled Friday reportedly sends dating profiles straight to friends and coworkers to mock without ever connecting users to each other. “Everyone in your. Sources confirmed that Mulville's date was equally aggravated upon discovering that he was exactly as she imagined based on his profile's.

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After five years swimming through all manner of grody in the swampy detritus that is OKCupid, Alli Reed decided to test her theory that "a lot of men on that site would message literally any woman who had a profile.

The onion dating real. Tracy Glenn, 39 years old. Whether it means to be or not, online dating is hilarious.

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I have caught it for you and it is for you to eat. Love me, for I shall fill your dinner table with many fish such as this one in the days to come. During our time together, you will never go hungry or fear famine. You will never want for trout, salmon, or otherwise. I will sustain you with my love and with my fish. As you may have suspected, my talents do not end at fishing.

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Buttigieg declared his candidacy in April and has vaulted to the top tier of the Democratic field. Sittings Editor: Alex Harrington. Erin Anderson. An Emerson poll of likely Iowa Caucus voters has put the mayor third among Democratic prospects, ahead of everybody except the grizzled veterans of the race, Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden. The surge is just the latest in a series of ascents that began when Buttigieg, the year-old mayor of a small Rust Belt city, announced his exploratory committee for the presidency in January. Since then, his unlikely climb has energized a scattered race, and has come as a shock to no one more than to the candidate himself. He speaks, like a newscaster, in lucid paragraphs, with a solid baritone and boxed-in decorum. A Golden Celebration , he takes a seat in front of a huge resource-and-mineral map of Afghanistan. A burl-wood chessboard sits beside a folded-over copy of The New Yorker ; most other surfaces, including the dining-room table in the other room, are piled with work papers and the castoffs of a busy life.

I'm a fuckboy magnet.

Online dating can be fucking rough, but if you're having a tough time, remember: It's not you, it's your profile.

The onion dating profile

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The onion dating real

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'Be picky and have high standards': new dating apps cater to the elite and the rich

SparkNotes remains a crucial tool for text comprehension — full of study guides and supplemental resources on english literature, philosophy, poetry, and more. It may come as a surprise to those who once frequented the site for the sole purpose of better understanding Shakespeare plays before a final exam or catching up on assigned chapters of The Catcher in the Rye before the bell rang, but SparkNotes is cool now, and absolutely killing the social media game. The magic of Book Fairies. As someone who spends the majority of her workday on the internet and splits her leisure time almost exclusively between reading books and re-watching episodes of The Office, I fell in love with the account's near-perfect meme execution after mere minutes of scrolling through posts. In a world with so many bad brand tweets and tone-deaf memes , I felt compelled to seek out the well-read meme masters behind SparkNotes' social media to learn how it is they manage to make each and every post so good. Chelsea Aaron, a year-old senior editor for SparkNotes, is a huge part of the success.

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Sean Mills, the CEO of Nerve Dating , agrees that online dating today still feels like a search for the best deals on airline tickets. Dating sites will do anything to attract new customers, promising true love, infinite happiness, and walls filled with fewer cat pictures. In , Rufus Griscom and Genevieve Field launched a website and eMag dedicated to sex, relationships, and culture called Nerve. Created as an online sex magazine that both men and women could enjoy — a less raunchy, more highbrow Penthouse, with broad appeal — Nerve has since become a site dedicated more broadly to love and culture. Because Nerve already had a loyal readership and fanbase about 2 million monthly uniques , there was a readymade audience for Nerve Dating, making it easier, Mills says, to reach critical mass. Nerve Dating already has over 10, users, and Mills says that the team is already hearing success stories.

Guys On Dating Apps Insult Me As A Way To Flirt With Me, So Negging Is Real AF

This is very, very kind of you. I so appreciate it. It helps me to know that occasionally, someone else on the planet does recognize my mad sparks of genius! Meanwhile, I love your avatar. The Onion is one of my favorite things in the world.

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