Im dating my best friend and its awkward
Picture this: Then, all of a sudden, it happens. Your BFF starts dating that person that you had already expressed interest in. What gives?
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We often talk about each other's friends and relationships and vent to each other about stuff going on in our lives We've also been hanging out more and more. Recently, Penny and I attended a weekend long event together in which we shared a hotel room and spent most of the weekend together. Around two months ago, Penny and Kyle broke up on relatively good terms. It's something she had talked to me about before it happened and she's talked about it with me a few times afterwards.
Since then, she's been using online dating apps like Tinder with very little success as she is particularly used to dating people she was already friends with. I would also like to add that although I cannot be certain; I feel relatively confident that our friendship was not a significant factor in their breakup. Honestly, my experience with relationships is very limited, only having dated one girl for three months in a very atypical situation.
I have no idea whether or not she feels the same towards me as I've never at least to my knowledge have had a girl be particularly interested in me so if there were any signs that she was interested in me romantically or not, I wouldn't know. I also suspect she is the kind of person who, based on her personality, would be "weirded" out if someone had romantic feelings toward her that she did not share.
Personally, this makes things feel kind of awkward for me because I feel almost dishonest not sharing this with her but at the same time, I'm sure both of us enjoy our friendship and I wouldn't want to mess that up. It's also weird since we talk about our dating "attempts" with each other mostly Tinder mishaps. How can I ask her out in a way that minimizes the risk of making our friendship weird?
As for the situation with Kyle, I'm firm on moving forward with asking Penny out regardless of his opinion on the matter. I will most likely be asking another question regarding how to tactfully deal with Kyle once I figure out whether I'm going to try to ask for permission talking to him before asking Penny out or forgiveness talking to him after asking Penny out. It ended up not working out due to some financial issues on her end. And if there is any more information I can give about our relationship, please ask.
I tried to add all the details that are relevant, but since I'm rather inexperienced with romantic relationships, I'm not aware of a lot of the subtle things that could make a difference. Most of the awkwardness after asking someone out comes from a re-contextualization of your relationship. By asking someone out you will cause your relationship to be reexamined.
Were you were only friends with them because you were trying to get with them? Will you treat future social engagements as between friends or as a potential date? You can reduce the recontextualization of your relationship by framing it as a query between friends. If you asked a friend to hang and they said "no" the ask and the rejection wouldn't be a big deal. If you keep your request lightweight and friendly instead of dumping a big pile of emotions on someone without warning there's less about your relationship that needs to be reexamined.
Be clear and unambiguous. Give them space to reject you. Be sure that your actions back up your words if you are rejected. If they don't want to go on a date with you it's imperative that you handle the rejection well. Acknowledge that you may have made things awkward, express a hope that your actions haven't complicated your friendship and try not to dwell on it. This expresses that you value their friendship, that you want to date them, and gives them permission to reject your advance if they don't want to date you.
This isn't something friends do. It's dumping your problem onto your friend. There's no way to reject the advance that isn't awkward. You're effectively saying "I have a problem, now deal with it. Contrary to popular belief, you can ask her out and still remain good friends if she rejects you. This is simply due to the fact that what destroys the friendship isn't asking her out, but rather making a fool of yourself when she rejects you.
This worst-case scenario would unfold like so:. You wait for too long and catch way too much feelings. When you ask her out, you're totally lovesick. You arrange a beautifully romantic date in a secluded spot, with rose bushes and everything, perhaps you extend a trembling hand and offer a wad of love poems you wrote for her, and then you're overcome by your feelings and you become a bumbling fool, and you move in for the kiss In the movies, she kisses you back with violins and everything.
In real life, maybe she does if she's interested. However, if she's not interested and "doesn't see you like that" then We haven't hit rock bottom yet. This would be when, the next day, you get drunk, and then a wonderful idea hits you: Maybe it'll work this time. You start with a long apology, then follow her in the street as she walks away, and then you insist, and then Why do you reject me!!!
Then, of course, the following week you learn than she's dating Chad from the football team, and you conclude that Chicks Dig Jerks, and that women are evil for not wanting to date you, such a In other words you cast upon yourself the cringy curse of the Nice Guy. You die alone, bitter, and a virgin, but at least the fedora looks good.
Just compare the two scenarii. And remember, in the first one, I was too lazy to write about when she calls the cops, but it's in there somewhere. Saying "I have feelings" is dumping a problem onto a friend and imposing on the friendship. It has an unspoken "I want you to do something about it. This is my worst case scenario. In the way I propose you do it, you don't do that, instead you suggest you're a good match for each other. Don't mention you have feelings. What things come down to is that you have a good relationship with this girl, and have feelings for her.
She may or may not share them, although the fact that you get along so well may be an indication that she does. Your question How can I ask her out in a way that minimizes the risk of making our friendship weird? However, what things really come down to is that you're in limbo. You stand to lose her friendship if she rejects you, but it's also difficult to live with this secret crush weighing you down. There's no great way to minimize damage to the relationship when you ask her out.
The important thing is that you go though with it in a respectful manner, which does not pressure her to give a particular answer, leaves her the opportunity to gracefully reject you, as well as leaving no ambiguity between you guys. There's going to be ample opportunity for you to try and ask her out. I would advise being fairly forward about it. Make your feelings clear, and see how she reacts. Asking her out in a covert manner, leaves the door open to her misinterpreting your request, and leading to unpleasant complications.
Being honest "I have feelings for you" is better than muddying the waters to no clear outcome "I want to hang out together more". Don't do something like this: I was once part of a group of friends who conspired to create a 1v1 situation between myself and a girl whom I suspected had a crush on me, but I was decidedly not interested in. Imagine my surprise when I show up at the agreed meeting spot, and texts start coming in announcing that all these other people suddenly can't make it.
The girl still showed up, and we had a pretty good time. However, an awkward moment came at the end where she thought we'd just had this great date , and expected a kiss. I decidedly ignored her hints, which lead to her not speaking to me for a good, long while. You want to avoid any such situations, and be clear as to your intentions. As far as Kyle is concerned: He'll know that you guys were talking prior to them breaking up, and he'll undoubtedly wonder how much of a role your conversations played in their breaking up.
Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How do I tactfully ask a close friend out? Ask Question. Context I became friends with a girl named Penny around a year ago when she started dating my good friend Kyle; Penny and I became friends when she became a part of the friend group Kyle and I were a part of. Around three months ago is when I started to develop romantic feelings for her. Question Given: A good friendship with consistent communication and time spent together Her being the ex of a good friend of mine Little to no indication of whether or not she's interested in a romantic relationship The reasonable risk that asking her out might "weird" her out if the feeling isn't mutual I feel somewhat dishonest not sharing these feelings How can I ask her out in a way that minimizes the risk of making our friendship weird?
Additional Clarifications 1. Arthas Arthas 1, 3 9 If you get into a romantic relationship once, there's no way your friendship won't get a little weird at best: On a sied note: Daniel It is a concern of mine which is why included it in the list of "givens". However, given the good terms of their break up, I'd like to think that he'd be adult enough to accept it. Or, you could talk to him about it?
As a matter of personal experience I can tell you that feels better. Daniel It's something I will definitely talk to him before talking to any other friend.
Is it OK to date your best friend? But what happens when the "friend" is actually someone who really matters to you, and it doesn't work out? How do We were Us. It wouldn't get weird. I mean, I'm sure you've noticed.". It was an uncomfortable security, which we both knew would inevitably change. Dating your best friend is a major risk, but holds the promise of.
The struggle can be all too real when two of your best friends start dating. They're your besties, so you know them like the back of your hand. And although you may be kind of excited for them at first, the anxiety eventually sets in. Sure, it can be crazy at first when two of your best friends start dating, but here are seven ways you can cope.
Revealing your feelings for a friend can be very harrowing. People love to claim that they're dating or married to their best friend, but many of those people actually became best friends throughout the course of their relationship:
Coming to the realization that one of your friends is a total babe is actually a pretty common occurrence. Sometimes it happens after three months of friendship, and other times it happens three years! And while personal experience makes me want to rush and scream "Definitely!
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The answer is easy: Next question? The truth is, when it comes to dating and relating, there really are very few black and white answers. Many times the answers lie in the gray areas, and in the deeper questions. We talked with some friends who have experienced this and shared their insights with us.
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Several years ago, I started dating my best friend. At the time, it made perfect sense.
Knowing I had to tread lightly, I told him I thought his brother was attractive, and I wanted to get know him better. I was so shocked that my friend was cool about it! He said he appreciated me being upfront about it and just telling him what was going on. He ended up coming between our friendship, and I don't think it will ever be what it was.
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If you don't hear back within that time, please email us at hello tamilculture. Please select an amount for your contribution. Listed in Canadian dollars. By clicking "Send" you agree to our Terms of Service. I find myself getting more and more frustrated and angry at them. Whenever they ask me to hang out I come up with some excuses to avoid them. What should I do? I understand how you feel. What has helped me is that when I am with them, they are not all lovey-dovey and affectionate. The situation has just transformed into something else and you just need to adapt.
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Hello all you thought criminals of the Internet, and welcome to Ask Dr. NerdLove , the only dating advice column to help you speedrun to the Good Ending of your love life. Dropping everything to take a gamble on love makes for great drama… but is it practical in your actual life? What about when you roll the dice and make a grand confession of love to your best friend… and she shoots you down? How do you move forward?
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Jake name changed to protect the heartbroken was one of my first friends in college—a tall, charming boy-down-the-hall, with a floppy haircut and a definite eye-twinkle. Cue a relationship rapidly switching sides—always together, but never together. We went to dinners, held hands, and watched movies. It was an uncomfortable security, which we both knew would inevitably change. Dating your best friend is a major risk, but holds the promise of amazing rewards. These are some of the things I wish I knew before I took that leap:.
The first kiss my boyfriend and I shared as friends-who-now-know-they-like-each-other was nothing short of terrifying. I pulled him into what I thought would be a sweeping, spark-filled smooch and he just stood there, hardly moving. The rest of the date was even more catastrophic. We nervously drank too much and watched Sweet Home Alabama on his bed without looking at each other. I was convinced we had no chemistry and that I ruined a perfectly-great friendship. All to say:
Sleeping with friends is a thing we all seem to have gotten down with. But what happens when the "friend" is actually someone who really matters to you, and it doesn't work out? How do you face bar nights and friend hangouts with someone who totally used to see you naked? He was charming and dweeby, and we connected immediately. I did not, however, want to see his penis. He just wasn't my type:
Prince Charming may be closer than you think. Right, some girls end up with their best guy friend. In a way, it makes sense: But like any other type of relationship, this kind of romance has its drawbacks. Before you decide whether or not you should give him a chance, see what our relationship gurus and other collegiettes have to say about dating your best guy friend.telling my best friend i like her PRANK *she confesses her love*