Dating a guy who is not a virgin
I got an email from a concerned virgin: He was unsure whether or not he should move forward in a relationship with someone who had a sexual history. Maybe you find yourself in a similar situation when it comes to sexual purity: They discuss their relationship under the public spotlight including some of their personal hang-ups and hardships and the effects of premarital sexuality on their marriage. It seems that the topic of sexual history is one that continues to leave deep scars and painful wounds even within our modern generation where virginity may not always be the norm. There are times that we as humans get so fixated on the details that we fail to take in the big picture.
Ask a Guy: "I'm a Virgin But My Boyfriend Isn't—How Should I Feel?"
I just found out that my boyfriend of almost two years had a sexual relationship with a girl about two years before we met. He said it only happened once, and he then ended the relationship and confessed his sin. He told me this because we are planning to get engaged, and he wanted me to know so that I would have the opportunity to end the relationship.
I have no desire to break up with him — I feel he is the man God has for me to marry. However, I am freaking out over the fact that he has been with someone else. How can I overcome this? I understand that he is forgiven and that this sin is no different from any other sin, but I feel betrayed by something he did before we even knew each other.
This is a really great question, and ironically, it came on the same day that I got a question from a woman who wants to know how to tell her boyfriend a virgin about her past sexual sin. So the situation is pervasive. Not surprising given the high rates of self-reported pre-marital sexual activity. Whatever the degree of past sexual sin, learning that your beloved once treated someone else as intimately as you want to be treated — and this outside the bounds of marriage — is a blow.
Further complicating things is the emotional and spiritual investment you undoubtedly put into saving yourself for your future mate. When a young believer makes a chastity vow, the often unspoken part of the bargain is an expectation that God will return that faithfulness with a spouse who has been similarly chaste. So where does that leave you? As I see it, you have two options, the first of which probably flashed through your mind, if only for an instant.
Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD. That is the measure of whether someone who has admitted past sexual sin is a good candidate for marriage. Not so much what is in his or her past as what is in the present. Is he repentant for what he did? Is he living in a way to ensure purity now? Does he avoid temptation and flee when it appears — or is he prone to encourage it, pressuring you to do the same in the process?
The answers to these questions will tell you a lot about if he has moved away from the sins of youth into the kind of maturity that marriage will require. If your boyfriend has repented and moved on to a more mature faith and walk in Christ, if he has godly sorrow over his sin and over the pain he has caused you, you have a foundation for hope.
Now to your specifics. In your case, he did it only once, repented of it, and esteemed you by waiting until an appropriate time to tell you about it — and then for the express purpose of giving you the opportunity to not proceed with the relationship. That is no small evidence of his character. You also mention you live far apart. Will you be able to live in the same city at some point before getting married?
I think it would be helpful in that it would create the opportunity to go to premarital counseling together. This would be a good issue to talk through with your counselor, pastor or another mature Christian you trust. Do you have a mentor you could confide in? Ultimately, you have to decide if you can forgive him and then move forward without constantly looking back to the sins of his youth. We can rejoice in the truth of Psalm One of the issues you could talk through in that context is your grief over your unrealized expectations as well as what it means to forgive and move forward, restored, together.
If you need the name of a biblical pre-marital counselor or counseling program, feel free to call our counseling department at Focus on the Family for some recommendations. I think we all know at some level that our hyper-sexualized culture may have a toxic effect on our own relationships, even as we do our best to avoid it. There is great redemption to be had at the foot of the cross. Candice Watters is a wife, mom, and Bible teacher. She is the author of Get Married: Inspiration for Having Babies.
They have four children and blog at FamilyMaking. Relationships Dating Sexuality. If you have any advice I would really love to hear it! About the Author. Candice Watters Candice Watters is a wife, mom, and Bible teacher. Related Posts.
OK, so your boyfriend/girlfriend is not a virgin. But given that the rest of the world is full of one night stands, casual sex, and “hook up culture”, maybe the fact that. Tips for men who are virgins and how start dating a girl who isn't a virgin and how to overcome the frustrating of accepting her prior sexual past.
Forget butt play or the pull-out method: The latest trend in sex might be forgoing it altogether. According to a recent study out of University College London , millennials are waiting longer to have sex than members of previous generations, with But some wait even longer than that. We recently talked to three people who have remained virgins well into their 30s — one by choice, the other two by happenstance.
Depending on how picky you are, some of those people you date may not be waiting till marriage like you are.
I just found out that my boyfriend of almost two years had a sexual relationship with a girl about two years before we met. He said it only happened once, and he then ended the relationship and confessed his sin.
What to do When He/or She Isn’t a Virgin
There are some questions about men that only a guy can answer. We asked the dudes at guyspeak. I'm a virgin but my boyfriend isn't and that really bothers me. We've talked about it a few times and it definitely helped, but I still can't get over the pain of imagining him with her. Any advice? And please don't tell me to just sleep with him because it might make me feel better about it.
The 5 Secrets to Dating Somebody Who’s Had Sex Before
After I heard the news, I needed time to process it. I needed time to pray. After a lot of prayer and discussion, I came to the conclusion that I was willing and able to move forward in the relationship. I realized that Christ had forgiven me of so much. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you Eph. Growing up, I imagined I would marry someone who had a similar past to my own. As an adult, I now realize that may not happen. While sin certainly has an impact, we decided this sin would not be an insurmountable obstacle if we decided to marry.
Welcome back to Guysourcing, where a panel of helpful gentlemen answer your questions!
Many guys face this emotional challenge early on in their dating lives before they have had any sexual experience with women and when they are still virgins. They start going out with a girl, they start liking her and develop feelings for her.
When You Are a Virgin, but the Girl is Not
In this week's Sex Talk Realness , Cosmopolitan. How old are you? Man A: Man B: Man C: What is your current relationship status? Have you made a decision to remain a virgin until marriage? I have. I grew up in the church and joined a Christian fraternity in college, so I've had that accountability from others throughout most of the formative years of my life. I've been single for a while also, mostly because of work, but I've always been conscious of remaining a virgin based on the teachings of the church. My fraternity brothers and their wives who kept their virginity until they were married have all told me it's worth it, so that encouragement has been helpful.
What It's Like To Date As A 30-Something Virgin
Ideally, a Christian relationship or marriage will start with both people as virgins, because in God's eyes, marriage is the only place for sex. But this world is far from ideal, isn't it? You may have been raised in a godly home, got saved at a young age, and you were able to maintain your physical purity as a virgin. But then you meet and fall in love with someone who was saved later in life, after having lived according to worldly standards. Or maybe you're the one who made a mistake in your past and your virginity is gone. Maybe you're wondering, "Will any Christian still want to marry me? It hurts God deeply when we sin, though sexual sins are especially damaging because not only do they hurt God, they also hurt us and those we love like potential spouses.
Should a Christian date or marry someone who is not a virgin?
What It's Really Like to Be an Adult Male Virgin
.Should the virgin gal marry the non-virgin guy?